Life seems as a chaotic dance of people moving around, relations starting and dying, feelings growing or fading, new challenges coming up to meet, situations following one another, failure and success, different places as if observed from a car window or mismatching tunes in a radio search for the best station... Inevitable swifts of reality...
and me in the middle of this dance, trying to follow or lead, trying to cope, enjoy, evolve, create roots and bones...
Yes, yes, I know changes are necessary for life, to move on, to become better. But is it just me who suffers so much with them? I'm always in a kind of psychological inertia and mourning before stepping into a different path, independently of how good the reasons for this step are. It doesn't matter either if it is me who introduces them or the others or just life forces them. I always feel that we give up a part of ourselves, a tiny bit maybe or often times a big one. It's a split anyhow, which we go through for the sake of a better future. A new reality that nobody can secure in advance is risk-free or worth the while. It's a wonder how I find the strength to proceed with all these inhibiting thoughts, but I do and I try to be fair and justify why others do too, despite the pain they cause me.
For now what triggered this post is external so at least I'm saving myself from the doubt ''should I do it or not''. I'm probably also allowed to be as dramatic as I want... No, behave. I'm not drama queen, anyway. I'll play it cool. I cannot do anything drastic so I'll go with the flow. I wish ''good luck'', which seems a very reasonable wish even though I believe a lot more in the chances we create than luck and hope that what is built so far is solid or flexible enough to withstand and survive.
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